Showing posts with label Interesting Dating Articles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Interesting Dating Articles. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
S'pore guys getting better at communicating
S'pore guys getting better at communicating
by Ho Lian-Yi
EVEN dating expert Violet Lim, 29, had problems getting her hubby to talk.
The co-founder of dating company Lunch Actually used to go home hoping to talk about her day with her husband.
But all hubby wanted to do was sit and watch TV. She said: “Initially, I was very frustrated because I thought that he wasn’t interested in knowing more of how my day went.
“I thought he was stonewalling me. But when we learnt more about gender differences, I realised this was his way of replicating what his ancestors used to do – ‘fire gazing after a long day of hunting’, and he realised I just needed to talk to bond with him.”
And this, Mr Allan Pease noted, is the biggest problem with Asian men – they are not very communicative.
He said: “Western men and European men are more communicative because they have been trained to be. They weren’t like this before, but with political correctness and the feminist movement, if you don’t communicate with women, you’re going to be pretty lonely.
“Asian men, in terms of communication, definitely sit near the bottom of the list.”
Why? Men are generally less communicative.
And until recently, Asian men didn’t have to be communicative in relationships.
But the younger generation of Singaporean men is getting better at communicating.
Ms Lim has noticed the change – she is seeing more male clients who are eloquent and can express themselves well.
Tables turned
Ms Cynthia Lee, director of Exclusive Match, said women rarely tell her that their dates are too quiet.
“In fact, some of the men give feedback saying that the ladies are too quiet,” she added.
Said Ms Ada Wong, 31, co-founder of dating agency The Dating Loft: “Observe the girlfriend – what makes her smile like sunshine?
“Is it when you tell her she looks great? Is it when you give her a nice gift? Or is it when you hold her hands and hug her? Or when you make an effort to spend time with her? Or do things for her?
“A relationship grows with communication and trials.”
Mr Pease’s advice?
Talk more and learn to listen.
He said: “The most powerful words you can use as a man are ‘Tell me more’. And she will!”
However, he joked that listening to a woman talk for long periods can make a man “want to slit his throat”.
He talks to his wife Barbara via a webcam when he is travelling alone.
When Barbara is offloading her issues, he sometimes puts the camera under the TV so it looks like he’s paying attention when he’s actually watching Law And Order, he joked.
But what should a man do if the wife or girlfriend asks a question?
His tip: Ask her to repeat the exact question, with the details.
Now you know.
This article was first published in The New Paper
http://divaasia.com/article/5645
by Ho Lian-Yi
EVEN dating expert Violet Lim, 29, had problems getting her hubby to talk.
The co-founder of dating company Lunch Actually used to go home hoping to talk about her day with her husband.
But all hubby wanted to do was sit and watch TV. She said: “Initially, I was very frustrated because I thought that he wasn’t interested in knowing more of how my day went.
“I thought he was stonewalling me. But when we learnt more about gender differences, I realised this was his way of replicating what his ancestors used to do – ‘fire gazing after a long day of hunting’, and he realised I just needed to talk to bond with him.”
And this, Mr Allan Pease noted, is the biggest problem with Asian men – they are not very communicative.
He said: “Western men and European men are more communicative because they have been trained to be. They weren’t like this before, but with political correctness and the feminist movement, if you don’t communicate with women, you’re going to be pretty lonely.
“Asian men, in terms of communication, definitely sit near the bottom of the list.”
Why? Men are generally less communicative.
And until recently, Asian men didn’t have to be communicative in relationships.
But the younger generation of Singaporean men is getting better at communicating.
Ms Lim has noticed the change – she is seeing more male clients who are eloquent and can express themselves well.
Tables turned
Ms Cynthia Lee, director of Exclusive Match, said women rarely tell her that their dates are too quiet.
“In fact, some of the men give feedback saying that the ladies are too quiet,” she added.
Said Ms Ada Wong, 31, co-founder of dating agency The Dating Loft: “Observe the girlfriend – what makes her smile like sunshine?
“Is it when you tell her she looks great? Is it when you give her a nice gift? Or is it when you hold her hands and hug her? Or when you make an effort to spend time with her? Or do things for her?
“A relationship grows with communication and trials.”
Mr Pease’s advice?
Talk more and learn to listen.
He said: “The most powerful words you can use as a man are ‘Tell me more’. And she will!”
However, he joked that listening to a woman talk for long periods can make a man “want to slit his throat”.
He talks to his wife Barbara via a webcam when he is travelling alone.
When Barbara is offloading her issues, he sometimes puts the camera under the TV so it looks like he’s paying attention when he’s actually watching Law And Order, he joked.
But what should a man do if the wife or girlfriend asks a question?
His tip: Ask her to repeat the exact question, with the details.
Now you know.
This article was first published in The New Paper
http://divaasia.com/article/5645
Monday, August 17, 2009
Eight reasons why you're still single
by Cynthia & Steven Lee
You’re independent, decent-looking and financially stable. You have lots to offer, yet you’re still single.
If you can’t understand why you’ve not found the right person, maybe you’ve been guilty of the classic mistakes many singles make.
See if any of the reasons below describe you perfectly, and perhaps it's time to think about ways to remedy your predicament.
Reason #1: You are as busy as a bee
Your career is your first love, and ambition flows fervently through your veins. You thought you could find a partner after rising to the top of the corporate ladder, but you’ve since realized there is no end to the climb.
Having spent most of your time focusing on getting ahead, you’ve lost sight of your social life and now you have no clue where to begin searching for your life partner. But just remember that you have to make time for the things that matter to you.
Reason #2: You value your independence over being ‘tied down’ by a partner
When you were younger, being single and independent was enticing, as you could do anything you wanted without being accountable to someone else.
But being in a relationship involves plenty of commitment, sacrifice and compromise. Even though you’re probably in the habit of doing things on your own terms, sometimes a little change is good.
Your daily routines are not set in stone; try to let go and be more open to allow someone in. You can invite that special someone into your life and still have your freedom (plus you now have newfound freedom to share transparently and intimately with your partner.)
Reason #3: You don’t try hard enough
Good things in life don’t come for free.
If you’re sitting around the house, moping and waiting for the right person to somehow fall from the sky, your chances of success are slim. It sounds intimidating and stressful, but the more you put yourself out there, the more opportunities you have to meet your ideal match.
Sure, you’ll have to sift through several unlikely candidates before meeting someone with promise, but it’ll be worth it.
When you put in the time and effort to expand your social circle, you’ll find yourself making more friends, and potential prospects will come naturally along the way.
Reason #4: You have high standards that are impossible to meet
If your checklist includes requirements like tall, good-looking, fit, intelligent, charismatic, rich, and with flawless character traits, chances are you’ll be disappointed.
We all want our life partner to be perfect (or as close to perfection as possible), but somewhere along the line we have to admit that it’s unachievable, because no one is perfect.
You don’t have to lower your standards to include everyone on the street, but if you’re too choosy about qualities you’re looking for in a partner, you may be letting the right person slip through your fingers.
Reason #5: You are too afraid to put yourself out there and meet other people
The thought of being vulnerable and opening up to someone else scares you to death.
Our fears include commitment, failure and rejection; you feel self-conscious and lack the confidence to approach others of the opposite sex.
But all you need is to take that first step to meet new people and engage in simple conversation with them. Once you’ve gotten that initial meeting out of the way, things will go smoother and fall into place easily.
Remember, practice makes perfect.
Reason #6: You have turned bitter and cynical after failed past relationships
We’ve all had our hearts broken (sometimes into several pieces), but it is essential to learn from it and move on. You can’t let your negativity affect you when trying to meet new people, because no one wants to be stuck in the presence of a sour puss.
So take some time to let old wounds heal, then leave all that baggage behind and look forward to starting a new, clean slate with someone else.
Reason #7: You have not made an effort to maintain your appearance consistently
Appearances matter. It’s as simple as that.
We may try to convince ourselves to look past the surface and see the beauty that lies within, but if there is no physical chemistry, the relationship will face a challenging start.
That is not to say that you must look perfectly coiffed during every single second of every single day, but at least attempt to look decent and maintain a good appearance consistently whether at work or play.
You never know when you will bump into a potential partner. So put in the effort to learn the art of grooming, ie. wearing the right colour or style that is uniquely you.
Reason #8: You treasure your possessions more than people
We all have things that we love – our favorite pets, computers, cars, TV shows, gadgets, clothes, and the list goes on.
But keep in mind that these are merely material belongings, and cannot substitute for human companionship. So put aside your valuables for at least one day in a week, and step out into the world to give yourself an opportunity to find love.
With all that said, the main thing is to keep an open mind and be receptive to opportunities. Go out and attend social events. Volunteer your service for charities and make no qualms about trying out dating services or professional matchmaking services.
Now that you’re armed with all this knowledge, it’s time to put yourself out there and start to explore.
http://forums.asiaone.com/showthread.php?p=293384#post293384
You’re independent, decent-looking and financially stable. You have lots to offer, yet you’re still single.
If you can’t understand why you’ve not found the right person, maybe you’ve been guilty of the classic mistakes many singles make.
See if any of the reasons below describe you perfectly, and perhaps it's time to think about ways to remedy your predicament.
Reason #1: You are as busy as a bee
Your career is your first love, and ambition flows fervently through your veins. You thought you could find a partner after rising to the top of the corporate ladder, but you’ve since realized there is no end to the climb.
Having spent most of your time focusing on getting ahead, you’ve lost sight of your social life and now you have no clue where to begin searching for your life partner. But just remember that you have to make time for the things that matter to you.
Reason #2: You value your independence over being ‘tied down’ by a partner
When you were younger, being single and independent was enticing, as you could do anything you wanted without being accountable to someone else.
But being in a relationship involves plenty of commitment, sacrifice and compromise. Even though you’re probably in the habit of doing things on your own terms, sometimes a little change is good.
Your daily routines are not set in stone; try to let go and be more open to allow someone in. You can invite that special someone into your life and still have your freedom (plus you now have newfound freedom to share transparently and intimately with your partner.)
Reason #3: You don’t try hard enough
Good things in life don’t come for free.
If you’re sitting around the house, moping and waiting for the right person to somehow fall from the sky, your chances of success are slim. It sounds intimidating and stressful, but the more you put yourself out there, the more opportunities you have to meet your ideal match.
Sure, you’ll have to sift through several unlikely candidates before meeting someone with promise, but it’ll be worth it.
When you put in the time and effort to expand your social circle, you’ll find yourself making more friends, and potential prospects will come naturally along the way.
Reason #4: You have high standards that are impossible to meet
If your checklist includes requirements like tall, good-looking, fit, intelligent, charismatic, rich, and with flawless character traits, chances are you’ll be disappointed.
We all want our life partner to be perfect (or as close to perfection as possible), but somewhere along the line we have to admit that it’s unachievable, because no one is perfect.
You don’t have to lower your standards to include everyone on the street, but if you’re too choosy about qualities you’re looking for in a partner, you may be letting the right person slip through your fingers.
Reason #5: You are too afraid to put yourself out there and meet other people
The thought of being vulnerable and opening up to someone else scares you to death.
Our fears include commitment, failure and rejection; you feel self-conscious and lack the confidence to approach others of the opposite sex.
But all you need is to take that first step to meet new people and engage in simple conversation with them. Once you’ve gotten that initial meeting out of the way, things will go smoother and fall into place easily.
Remember, practice makes perfect.
Reason #6: You have turned bitter and cynical after failed past relationships
We’ve all had our hearts broken (sometimes into several pieces), but it is essential to learn from it and move on. You can’t let your negativity affect you when trying to meet new people, because no one wants to be stuck in the presence of a sour puss.
So take some time to let old wounds heal, then leave all that baggage behind and look forward to starting a new, clean slate with someone else.
Reason #7: You have not made an effort to maintain your appearance consistently
Appearances matter. It’s as simple as that.
We may try to convince ourselves to look past the surface and see the beauty that lies within, but if there is no physical chemistry, the relationship will face a challenging start.
That is not to say that you must look perfectly coiffed during every single second of every single day, but at least attempt to look decent and maintain a good appearance consistently whether at work or play.
You never know when you will bump into a potential partner. So put in the effort to learn the art of grooming, ie. wearing the right colour or style that is uniquely you.
Reason #8: You treasure your possessions more than people
We all have things that we love – our favorite pets, computers, cars, TV shows, gadgets, clothes, and the list goes on.
But keep in mind that these are merely material belongings, and cannot substitute for human companionship. So put aside your valuables for at least one day in a week, and step out into the world to give yourself an opportunity to find love.
With all that said, the main thing is to keep an open mind and be receptive to opportunities. Go out and attend social events. Volunteer your service for charities and make no qualms about trying out dating services or professional matchmaking services.
Now that you’re armed with all this knowledge, it’s time to put yourself out there and start to explore.
http://forums.asiaone.com/showthread.php?p=293384#post293384
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Would U marry a more successful & older Woman?
Casting a wider net?
TODAY ONLINE
AGE IS proving to be less of a barrier in the Singaporean's search for love, with more women here now open to dating younger men and more men willing to date older women.
According to a survey of 200 singles last month, six in 10 women would date a younger man, and half the men would go out with an older woman. These results are a marked increase from a similar survey done in 2005, when only about four in 10 women and three in 10 men were open to the idea.
The jump in numbers could be due to several factors, said Ms Violet Lim, co-founder of Lunch Actually, the dating agency that commissioned the online survey, the results of which were released yesterday.
"People are becoming more open, with the increasing median age of first marriage. It could also be the difficulty in meeting like-minded singles, so they are casting their net wider," she said.
According to data released last week by the National Population Secretariat, the median age at first marriage for men rose from 28.3 to 29.7 years, and from 25.7 to 27.1 years for women over the last decade.
Compared to the 2005 survey, more women are now willing to date a man who earns less or has a lower level of education. From about 17 per cent four years ago, the figure now stands at about one in four women. Men are much more open in this respect, with about seven in 10 game to date a higher-earning or more educated woman.
But while women are open to adjusting their expectations regarding age, income and academic achievement, they remain steadfast as far as the height of the man is concerned. Nine in 10 refuse to date a shorter man.
Other dating agencies were not surprised by the preferences showed up in Lunch Actually's survey.
"It's always the older ladies who don't mind dating younger men or those with lower education levels," said Mr Andrew Chow, co-founder of Ardor.
But a short man is "hard to accept" for women because "it's something you cannot change", he added.
The latest survey also found a marked increase in singles willing to meet prospective partners through family members - from a mere 1.4 per cent in 2005 to 15 per cent now.
Clique Wise's co-founder Lydia Gan said more people are open to relatives playing matchmaker, but it boils down to how well their relatives know them.
TODAY ONLINE
AGE IS proving to be less of a barrier in the Singaporean's search for love, with more women here now open to dating younger men and more men willing to date older women.
According to a survey of 200 singles last month, six in 10 women would date a younger man, and half the men would go out with an older woman. These results are a marked increase from a similar survey done in 2005, when only about four in 10 women and three in 10 men were open to the idea.
The jump in numbers could be due to several factors, said Ms Violet Lim, co-founder of Lunch Actually, the dating agency that commissioned the online survey, the results of which were released yesterday.
"People are becoming more open, with the increasing median age of first marriage. It could also be the difficulty in meeting like-minded singles, so they are casting their net wider," she said.
According to data released last week by the National Population Secretariat, the median age at first marriage for men rose from 28.3 to 29.7 years, and from 25.7 to 27.1 years for women over the last decade.
Compared to the 2005 survey, more women are now willing to date a man who earns less or has a lower level of education. From about 17 per cent four years ago, the figure now stands at about one in four women. Men are much more open in this respect, with about seven in 10 game to date a higher-earning or more educated woman.
But while women are open to adjusting their expectations regarding age, income and academic achievement, they remain steadfast as far as the height of the man is concerned. Nine in 10 refuse to date a shorter man.
Other dating agencies were not surprised by the preferences showed up in Lunch Actually's survey.
"It's always the older ladies who don't mind dating younger men or those with lower education levels," said Mr Andrew Chow, co-founder of Ardor.
But a short man is "hard to accept" for women because "it's something you cannot change", he added.
The latest survey also found a marked increase in singles willing to meet prospective partners through family members - from a mere 1.4 per cent in 2005 to 15 per cent now.
Clique Wise's co-founder Lydia Gan said more people are open to relatives playing matchmaker, but it boils down to how well their relatives know them.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
How To Ask A Woman Out
Follow these rules to make the process simple – and successful. Listen in as the ladies tell you what they like.
My good friend Brian had been flirting with his crush for what seemed like forever before he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. He thought the date was in the bag--after all, they had exchanged witty banter and flirty smiles for weeks. But when he invited her to dinner, she stammered and said, ‘Maybe...’ “I don’t get it,” he said later. “What did I do wrong?” Oh jeez---chances are, he violated the basic girl guidelines that if not followed, can squash even a nice guy’s shot at love. So what will make a woman say yes? Allow me to explain.
1) Pick. Up. The. Phone.
O.K., we live in a world of Blackberries, cell phones, and emoticons, which makes communication easier---and often a lot more impersonal. So laying off advanced technology in favor of the phone will do wonders for building intimacy and securing a date. “Studies show that people have a much harder time saying no to a request when they’re asked over the phone,” says Laurie Puhn, a relationship expert and author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words To Change Your Life . “Sure, it adds a bit more pressure, but that’s a good thing, especially if you don’t know each other well.” Be clear that you are asking her on a date, too. Say something like, “Would you have dinner with me this Friday?” instead of, “Hey, maybe we should hang out sometime.”
Need more encouragement? Erin, 28, shares how a date requested by phone changed her love life: “My feelings were on the fence for a guy I barely knew, but when he called to ask me out, I accepted because I didn’t have time to say no,” she says. “I’m glad he was bold from the start, otherwise I never would have married him two years later!”
2) Ask in advance
“Women are innate planners, so in order to win her affection you’ll have to tweak your mindset,” says Puhn. “That means, ask her out four or five days in advance.” Sure, it may seem a little formal to give so much notice, but it will have a payoff. Not only does asking early up the odds of scoring face time with your crush, doing so shows you respect her time. In other words, you’re saying, ‘I want to do this!’ Laura, 30, wishes her last date had followed this maxim. “Bruce would give me four hours’ notice; he’d call me mid-afternoon and say, ‘Hey, how about dinner tonight?’,” she says. “The last-minute requests made me think I wasn’t a priority, so I stopped seeing him.” And while there’s nothing wrong with the occasional spur-of-the-moment tryst (“I won White Stripes tickets!”), be sure to temper your spontaneity with more drawn-out dates in between.
3) Be the man with a plan
Plain and simple: Women love a man with a plan. Why? For starters, suggesting fun activities shows you’re into trying new things, which is always exciting. “Introduce any invitation with, ‘I have an idea!’ and you’ll grab her attention immediately,” says Puhn. Just ask Julia, 28. “The guy I’m dating first approached me by saying, ‘Hey, can I take you to my favorite bowling alley?’ He wanted me to experience something he loved, which was flattering.” Another pre-date pointer: Give her options. Cate, 30, met a guy who gave her a choice before their first date. “He said, ‘Let’s do A or B. You chose---but I’ll take care of the details.’ I liked his approach because I was in the driver’s seat, but everything was still his idea. It was a total turn-on.”
4) Leave your buddies at home
When planning a first date, make sure it’s a solo outing for you and the woman in question. “Sometimes men opt for group dates because it alleviates pressure,” says Puhn. “The problem is, it usually suggests to a woman that she’s not worth your undivided attention.” While we do like meeting your friends eventually, when it comes to the first date, make it exclusive, otherwise things can get murky. “When Scott and I arrived at the restaurant, his friends were seated at our table,” recalls Rebecca ,37, of a recent first date. Were they there to keep us company? Pass judgment? Chaperone? It was totally confusing and sure didn’t start things off on good footing.”
That said, there are exceptions. The key is to let your lady know in advance that your pals will be present. “Adam asked if I would accompany him to a dinner party,” says Julie, 26. “I liked that he warned me ahead of time that I would be meeting his friends––that way, I was prepared to hang with his inner circle and know that they’d be evaluating me.”
Bonus tip: Follow up
So you had an amazing date? Nice! Tell her that. The truth is, much of the stress about dating comes from the fact that women tend to overanalyze a man’s intentions. Does he like me? Is this a fling? Will he call? But you’ll nip her anxiety in the bud by sending a simple post-date recap expressing how much fun you had. “A woman’s interest in a man peaks the day after a first date,” says Puhn. “The morning after, she’s still glowing---but with no contact on each passing day, her excitement will wane.” So shoot her an email no later than mid-morning. Mary Beth, 29, weighs in: “Checking in the next day may even give me the courage to ask you out on date two!”
Elise Nersesian is a New York-based freelance writer who has written for Redbook, Quick & Simple and other national magazines.
My good friend Brian had been flirting with his crush for what seemed like forever before he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out. He thought the date was in the bag--after all, they had exchanged witty banter and flirty smiles for weeks. But when he invited her to dinner, she stammered and said, ‘Maybe...’ “I don’t get it,” he said later. “What did I do wrong?” Oh jeez---chances are, he violated the basic girl guidelines that if not followed, can squash even a nice guy’s shot at love. So what will make a woman say yes? Allow me to explain.
1) Pick. Up. The. Phone.
O.K., we live in a world of Blackberries, cell phones, and emoticons, which makes communication easier---and often a lot more impersonal. So laying off advanced technology in favor of the phone will do wonders for building intimacy and securing a date. “Studies show that people have a much harder time saying no to a request when they’re asked over the phone,” says Laurie Puhn, a relationship expert and author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words To Change Your Life . “Sure, it adds a bit more pressure, but that’s a good thing, especially if you don’t know each other well.” Be clear that you are asking her on a date, too. Say something like, “Would you have dinner with me this Friday?” instead of, “Hey, maybe we should hang out sometime.”
Need more encouragement? Erin, 28, shares how a date requested by phone changed her love life: “My feelings were on the fence for a guy I barely knew, but when he called to ask me out, I accepted because I didn’t have time to say no,” she says. “I’m glad he was bold from the start, otherwise I never would have married him two years later!”
2) Ask in advance
“Women are innate planners, so in order to win her affection you’ll have to tweak your mindset,” says Puhn. “That means, ask her out four or five days in advance.” Sure, it may seem a little formal to give so much notice, but it will have a payoff. Not only does asking early up the odds of scoring face time with your crush, doing so shows you respect her time. In other words, you’re saying, ‘I want to do this!’ Laura, 30, wishes her last date had followed this maxim. “Bruce would give me four hours’ notice; he’d call me mid-afternoon and say, ‘Hey, how about dinner tonight?’,” she says. “The last-minute requests made me think I wasn’t a priority, so I stopped seeing him.” And while there’s nothing wrong with the occasional spur-of-the-moment tryst (“I won White Stripes tickets!”), be sure to temper your spontaneity with more drawn-out dates in between.
3) Be the man with a plan
Plain and simple: Women love a man with a plan. Why? For starters, suggesting fun activities shows you’re into trying new things, which is always exciting. “Introduce any invitation with, ‘I have an idea!’ and you’ll grab her attention immediately,” says Puhn. Just ask Julia, 28. “The guy I’m dating first approached me by saying, ‘Hey, can I take you to my favorite bowling alley?’ He wanted me to experience something he loved, which was flattering.” Another pre-date pointer: Give her options. Cate, 30, met a guy who gave her a choice before their first date. “He said, ‘Let’s do A or B. You chose---but I’ll take care of the details.’ I liked his approach because I was in the driver’s seat, but everything was still his idea. It was a total turn-on.”
4) Leave your buddies at home
When planning a first date, make sure it’s a solo outing for you and the woman in question. “Sometimes men opt for group dates because it alleviates pressure,” says Puhn. “The problem is, it usually suggests to a woman that she’s not worth your undivided attention.” While we do like meeting your friends eventually, when it comes to the first date, make it exclusive, otherwise things can get murky. “When Scott and I arrived at the restaurant, his friends were seated at our table,” recalls Rebecca ,37, of a recent first date. Were they there to keep us company? Pass judgment? Chaperone? It was totally confusing and sure didn’t start things off on good footing.”
That said, there are exceptions. The key is to let your lady know in advance that your pals will be present. “Adam asked if I would accompany him to a dinner party,” says Julie, 26. “I liked that he warned me ahead of time that I would be meeting his friends––that way, I was prepared to hang with his inner circle and know that they’d be evaluating me.”
Bonus tip: Follow up
So you had an amazing date? Nice! Tell her that. The truth is, much of the stress about dating comes from the fact that women tend to overanalyze a man’s intentions. Does he like me? Is this a fling? Will he call? But you’ll nip her anxiety in the bud by sending a simple post-date recap expressing how much fun you had. “A woman’s interest in a man peaks the day after a first date,” says Puhn. “The morning after, she’s still glowing---but with no contact on each passing day, her excitement will wane.” So shoot her an email no later than mid-morning. Mary Beth, 29, weighs in: “Checking in the next day may even give me the courage to ask you out on date two!”
Elise Nersesian is a New York-based freelance writer who has written for Redbook, Quick & Simple and other national magazines.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Yes, I am single
Mon, Jun 22, 2009
The New Paper
Yes, I am single
by Tan Kee Yun
YOU'RE at the gym doing your usual workout when a friendly woman with a beaming smile struts up to you.
You notice that like yourself, she wears the same 'singles identification badge' on her shirt.
Instantly, both of you hit it off as you realise you're both looking for love.
That, would be the perfect scenario in Mr Evan Diacopolous' world - one which sees his Yes I Am Single (YIS) badge saving the day for lonely, lovelorn singletons.
In April, the 35-year old Australian IT worker started a new dating service called Yes I Am Single.
For A$22.95 ($25), singles can buy a blue-coloured identification badge that has the YIS official website yis.com.au printed on it.
With this little badge, they gain membership to forums, hobby groups and social events to meet people with similar interests.
Non-Australian residents can also buy the badge for A$24.95.
In an e-mail interview with The New Paper, MrDiacopolous said he came up with the idea after several of his friends became disgruntled with online dating channels.
'Many started to turn away from online dating sites as they were disappointed that the person they eventually met in real life, following a series of expensive e-mails, didn't quite live up to expectations,' said the bachelor.
'People tend to lie a little when posting their profiles online.'
Mr Diacopolous explained that the YIS badge works like a 'conversation starter' for singles in everyday situations.
There are no restrictions as to where and when a person should wear their badge - it could be when they are in a group at coffee lounges, at the supermarket, or 10 minutes a day while on the train to work, he added.
'I think that it is everyone's dream to meet their future partner the old-fashioned way, in regular, non-contrived settings,' he said. 'The badge is merely a prompt, a tool to help them achieve this.'
Though the take-up rate for his badge has been slow, Mr Diacopolous readily admitted that he currently has 'just under 100 members in Australia and 20 international members'. He is confident that the numbers will pick up, both in his country, as well as overseas, when he 'starts ramping up publicity and marketing'.
Following some media coverage, Mr Diacopolous said he has had 'subsequent enquiries from people in countries such as Argentina, Brazil, Zambia, New Zealand and China'.
'Through the power of the Internet, this could be an internationally-recognised identifier for single people,' he added.
And even in reserved and passive Singapore, it will work, he declared.
'I understand that Singaporeans might be shy about wearing the badge, but it was precisely developed to lend shy people out there a helping hand, to give them the confidence to talk to other singles,' he explained.
'They can wear their badges while they are walking around Chinatown or Little India.'
Not for Singaporeans?
But if Mr Diacopolous plans to promote his singles badge in Singapore, he may have his work cut out for him. Dating agencies and singles we spoke to did not think his concept would take off here.
Ms Ada Wong (left), 31, co-founder of dating agency The Dating Loft, said that would 'take a huge stretch of the imagination'.
'It's simply too bold, like an outright declaration of one's singlehood,' she said.
'From my experience of working with Singaporean singles, many of them are very concerned with issues of privacy and they're definitely not ready to announce to the whole world their status.'
Ms Sue Yeo (below right), 34, founder and managing director of lifestyle dating service Drinks At Eight, shared the sentiment.
'Wearing the badge might attract unnecessary attention,' she said.
'Some singles might become easy targets for jokers, people who wear the badge for fun and are not serious about forming committed relationships.
'Singaporeans would prefer a more formal and professional dating procedure, I'm sure they would want the agency to screen its members first, before they are being introduced to the other party.'
Ms Violet Lim (below left), 28, co-founder of dating agency Lunch Actually, felt that it is important to have enough publicity generated about the concept.
'Take a badge like the one from YIS, which just says yis.com.au on it. Singles might have no idea what it stands for, and it would defeat the whole purpose of one wearing it in the first place,' she said.
Singles The New Paper on Sunday spoke to could not embrace the concept either.
Events executive Karen Kwok, 27, felt that wearing the badge was 'definitely a no-no' for her, as 'it might make people think I am desperate'.
Mr Tam Cheong Yan, 31, a freelance writer, felt that many people still feel 'the social stigma of being labelled as single'.
He does not deny being one of them himself.
'There are too many inhibitions in us,' he said.
Loud
Sports administrator Lu Qi Loong, 35, agreed that the act of wearing a badge is 'kind of loud, in the Singapore context'.
He added sarcastically: 'There's no point in having the badge actually because people who sign up with the dating service are naturally singletons, unless there is an alternative badge that says 'Player'.'
But this is not to say that the concept of using badges would never work when it comes to dating, Ms Lim said.
'Badges might work in a more contained environment,' she noted.
'For example, dating agencies sometimes organise 'traffic-light parties' where singles wear a green badge, those that are attached wear an amber badge, and the married ones wear a red badge.'
'In this setting, singles who are looking for love can seek out fellow singles who are wearing a green badge.
'They wouldn't feel embarrassed or singled out, as that is part of the party's overall theme.'
This article was first published in The New Paper.
The New Paper
Yes, I am single
by Tan Kee Yun
YOU'RE at the gym doing your usual workout when a friendly woman with a beaming smile struts up to you.
You notice that like yourself, she wears the same 'singles identification badge' on her shirt.
Instantly, both of you hit it off as you realise you're both looking for love.
That, would be the perfect scenario in Mr Evan Diacopolous' world - one which sees his Yes I Am Single (YIS) badge saving the day for lonely, lovelorn singletons.
In April, the 35-year old Australian IT worker started a new dating service called Yes I Am Single.
For A$22.95 ($25), singles can buy a blue-coloured identification badge that has the YIS official website yis.com.au printed on it.
With this little badge, they gain membership to forums, hobby groups and social events to meet people with similar interests.
Non-Australian residents can also buy the badge for A$24.95.
In an e-mail interview with The New Paper, MrDiacopolous said he came up with the idea after several of his friends became disgruntled with online dating channels.
'Many started to turn away from online dating sites as they were disappointed that the person they eventually met in real life, following a series of expensive e-mails, didn't quite live up to expectations,' said the bachelor.
'People tend to lie a little when posting their profiles online.'
Mr Diacopolous explained that the YIS badge works like a 'conversation starter' for singles in everyday situations.
There are no restrictions as to where and when a person should wear their badge - it could be when they are in a group at coffee lounges, at the supermarket, or 10 minutes a day while on the train to work, he added.
'I think that it is everyone's dream to meet their future partner the old-fashioned way, in regular, non-contrived settings,' he said. 'The badge is merely a prompt, a tool to help them achieve this.'
Though the take-up rate for his badge has been slow, Mr Diacopolous readily admitted that he currently has 'just under 100 members in Australia and 20 international members'. He is confident that the numbers will pick up, both in his country, as well as overseas, when he 'starts ramping up publicity and marketing'.
Following some media coverage, Mr Diacopolous said he has had 'subsequent enquiries from people in countries such as Argentina, Brazil, Zambia, New Zealand and China'.
'Through the power of the Internet, this could be an internationally-recognised identifier for single people,' he added.
And even in reserved and passive Singapore, it will work, he declared.
'I understand that Singaporeans might be shy about wearing the badge, but it was precisely developed to lend shy people out there a helping hand, to give them the confidence to talk to other singles,' he explained.
'They can wear their badges while they are walking around Chinatown or Little India.'
Not for Singaporeans?
But if Mr Diacopolous plans to promote his singles badge in Singapore, he may have his work cut out for him. Dating agencies and singles we spoke to did not think his concept would take off here.
Ms Ada Wong (left), 31, co-founder of dating agency The Dating Loft, said that would 'take a huge stretch of the imagination'.
'It's simply too bold, like an outright declaration of one's singlehood,' she said.
'From my experience of working with Singaporean singles, many of them are very concerned with issues of privacy and they're definitely not ready to announce to the whole world their status.'
Ms Sue Yeo (below right), 34, founder and managing director of lifestyle dating service Drinks At Eight, shared the sentiment.
'Wearing the badge might attract unnecessary attention,' she said.
'Some singles might become easy targets for jokers, people who wear the badge for fun and are not serious about forming committed relationships.
'Singaporeans would prefer a more formal and professional dating procedure, I'm sure they would want the agency to screen its members first, before they are being introduced to the other party.'
Ms Violet Lim (below left), 28, co-founder of dating agency Lunch Actually, felt that it is important to have enough publicity generated about the concept.
'Take a badge like the one from YIS, which just says yis.com.au on it. Singles might have no idea what it stands for, and it would defeat the whole purpose of one wearing it in the first place,' she said.
Singles The New Paper on Sunday spoke to could not embrace the concept either.
Events executive Karen Kwok, 27, felt that wearing the badge was 'definitely a no-no' for her, as 'it might make people think I am desperate'.
Mr Tam Cheong Yan, 31, a freelance writer, felt that many people still feel 'the social stigma of being labelled as single'.
He does not deny being one of them himself.
'There are too many inhibitions in us,' he said.
Loud
Sports administrator Lu Qi Loong, 35, agreed that the act of wearing a badge is 'kind of loud, in the Singapore context'.
He added sarcastically: 'There's no point in having the badge actually because people who sign up with the dating service are naturally singletons, unless there is an alternative badge that says 'Player'.'
But this is not to say that the concept of using badges would never work when it comes to dating, Ms Lim said.
'Badges might work in a more contained environment,' she noted.
'For example, dating agencies sometimes organise 'traffic-light parties' where singles wear a green badge, those that are attached wear an amber badge, and the married ones wear a red badge.'
'In this setting, singles who are looking for love can seek out fellow singles who are wearing a green badge.
'They wouldn't feel embarrassed or singled out, as that is part of the party's overall theme.'
This article was first published in The New Paper.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Hints and Flirting
How girls can catch hints from guys?
When guys suddenly send SMS more frequenlty than usual.
When guys asking question like 'have you taken your dinner?' etc
When guys like to spend time together more often with the girl (meet up/ spend more time to chat/ talk on the phone)
When guys give gifts to the girl
When guys care more
When guys become more protective (not over) toward the girl
When guys want to know more about her life
When guys start sharing his life
When guys treat her more special than other girls
Talk to her more and communicate more
I was wondering when a friend asked me how to flirt with girls without being obvious/ without letting the girl know that he likes her.
What is the purpose of flirting then?
Isn't it to hint the girl/ to let the girl know that he is interested with her?
Just show care more to the girl, make her feel special and let her know your feeling.
So that you can hear what is the respond from the girl. :)
Simple rite?
http://noturningpoint.blogspot.com/search/label/relationship
When guys suddenly send SMS more frequenlty than usual.
When guys asking question like 'have you taken your dinner?' etc
When guys like to spend time together more often with the girl (meet up/ spend more time to chat/ talk on the phone)
When guys give gifts to the girl
When guys care more
When guys become more protective (not over) toward the girl
When guys want to know more about her life
When guys start sharing his life
When guys treat her more special than other girls
Talk to her more and communicate more
I was wondering when a friend asked me how to flirt with girls without being obvious/ without letting the girl know that he likes her.
What is the purpose of flirting then?
Isn't it to hint the girl/ to let the girl know that he is interested with her?
Just show care more to the girl, make her feel special and let her know your feeling.
So that you can hear what is the respond from the girl. :)
Simple rite?
http://noturningpoint.blogspot.com/search/label/relationship
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
How can a lady get to know a guy without looking too easy?
Dear Dr Date
What advice would you give a woman who wants to get to know.. a good-looking, but very shy guy? How can a lady get to know him without looking too easy?
Yours, Debbie.
Dear Debbie,
How to seduce shy men? Great question, as there are plenty of shy men in Singapore.
If a woman sees her target at a bar or some other kind of social gathering, and she senses that he is too shy to approach women on his own, then it is common for her to make the first move.
What's required isn't anything drastic like walking over alone and chatting him up directly.
Instead, do this. Look at him, and the next time you meet eyes, maintain eye contact and smile broadly. Then look down so as not to intimidate him.
A few seconds later, throw him a short, darting glance. If he needs still more encouragement, look straight at him and flip your hair.
You can also get your guy friends to help you out by going over to him together and just being friendly and social. Have everyone introduce themselves and get to know each other. After that, you can pull him out for a more intimate conversation.
What advice would you give a woman who wants to get to know.. a good-looking, but very shy guy? How can a lady get to know him without looking too easy?
Yours, Debbie.
Dear Debbie,
How to seduce shy men? Great question, as there are plenty of shy men in Singapore.
If a woman sees her target at a bar or some other kind of social gathering, and she senses that he is too shy to approach women on his own, then it is common for her to make the first move.
What's required isn't anything drastic like walking over alone and chatting him up directly.
Instead, do this. Look at him, and the next time you meet eyes, maintain eye contact and smile broadly. Then look down so as not to intimidate him.
A few seconds later, throw him a short, darting glance. If he needs still more encouragement, look straight at him and flip your hair.
You can also get your guy friends to help you out by going over to him together and just being friendly and social. Have everyone introduce themselves and get to know each other. After that, you can pull him out for a more intimate conversation.
Get yourself an amazing date
I enjoy observing and comparing "patterns" between men who experiencing depressing outcomes when it comes to dating women, and those who are fantastically good with the ladies.
The "losers" have a pattern - they like to "reason" with themselves all the time.
That is, they give themselves reasons not to progress with women.
Worse, they frequently reason themselves out of a very advantageous girl-meeting situation even before it happens.
Here are some excuses that men give themselves not to approach total strangers:
- I should be perfect before I can go and interact
- I have so much work to do, not time to date at all
- Bus stops are for catching the bus, not approaching that attractive woman
- Beautiful women would not choose a guy like me. I'm too _________________ (insert self-derogatory word of choice with
regards to age, height,income, looks)
Reasons, reasons, reasons.
Now, Let's look at the opposite, and I have this to share: When you stop reasoningwith yourself, your success with women increases.
Yes, men who have success in getting to know the ladies don't reason or "analyse" too much.
One of the ways I became successful in my dating schedule is simply by being a rebel.
That means:
- I get myself involved in social situations even when I'm not in the mood.
- I did less analysing and more calling - and gone out many times and had an excellent time with women.
- I did not let my height, or lack of, become a reason to stop me from getting to know more women. I have been out with ladies taller than me more than once.
Just so you know, I'm not bragging. After all, I'm the same guy who made various trips to different doctors to resolve my height issue.
Reasoning with yourself that things must be "perfect" before you can go up and interact with women will stop you from getting out there to know more people.
About the writer:
Skilldo is an 'ex-unhappy' Singaporean guy - who grew from being lonely, dateless and single... into breaking out of it, and obtained a fulfilling social life in meeting, dating and entering satisfying relationships with women.
He is the author of 'The Ultimate Singapore Girl-Getter'. A locally-focused guide for Singapore men to approach, date and successfully attract the type of women they want for themselves.
He maintains a website containing secrets and training for men at - http://www.seductionsingapore.com
The "losers" have a pattern - they like to "reason" with themselves all the time.
That is, they give themselves reasons not to progress with women.
Worse, they frequently reason themselves out of a very advantageous girl-meeting situation even before it happens.
Here are some excuses that men give themselves not to approach total strangers:
- I should be perfect before I can go and interact
- I have so much work to do, not time to date at all
- Bus stops are for catching the bus, not approaching that attractive woman
- Beautiful women would not choose a guy like me. I'm too _________________ (insert self-derogatory word of choice with
regards to age, height,income, looks)
Reasons, reasons, reasons.
Now, Let's look at the opposite, and I have this to share: When you stop reasoningwith yourself, your success with women increases.
Yes, men who have success in getting to know the ladies don't reason or "analyse" too much.
One of the ways I became successful in my dating schedule is simply by being a rebel.
That means:
- I get myself involved in social situations even when I'm not in the mood.
- I did less analysing and more calling - and gone out many times and had an excellent time with women.
- I did not let my height, or lack of, become a reason to stop me from getting to know more women. I have been out with ladies taller than me more than once.
Just so you know, I'm not bragging. After all, I'm the same guy who made various trips to different doctors to resolve my height issue.
Reasoning with yourself that things must be "perfect" before you can go up and interact with women will stop you from getting out there to know more people.
About the writer:
Skilldo is an 'ex-unhappy' Singaporean guy - who grew from being lonely, dateless and single... into breaking out of it, and obtained a fulfilling social life in meeting, dating and entering satisfying relationships with women.
He is the author of 'The Ultimate Singapore Girl-Getter'. A locally-focused guide for Singapore men to approach, date and successfully attract the type of women they want for themselves.
He maintains a website containing secrets and training for men at - http://www.seductionsingapore.com
Friday, May 29, 2009
Don't be afraid of rejection
I don't think Singaporean men are afraid of rejection from women. That's right, you read correctly.
But men are afraid of the "embarrassment" that rejection brings. Not the rejection itself.
Bear in mind though, embarrassment is simply a feeling - an emotion.
In some ways, it is a self-manufactured emotion. Now, why do I say so?
If a woman were to turn you down, there is no meaning in the gesture alone.
You will need to draw meaning from that incident, and you will feel emotions arising from the meaning that you have created.
For instance, let's say you go talk to a lady at a cafe. Her body language tells you to leave her alone.
You could take your cue from there and her gestures to mean: "I failed and will never try talking to another girl again."
Or you could think of it this way: "I laugh it off and move on. Approaching strangers is amusing, it is just a way to see who is interested to talk you, and who is not, that's all."
Since embarrassment is an emotion one chooses to feel after a rejection, a neat technique to overcome that is to replace embarrassment with another emotion.
By the way, this is a 'trick' I learnt from the world of combat sports where fighters are taught to convert fear into something else.
There is a range of alternative emotions to choose from.
Should a woman give you an undesired response or 'rejection', instead of the usual embarrassment, you can feel:
- Motivated
- Playful
- Thankful
- Smart-assed
- Delighted by her antics
- Confident
Take your pick.
I know this sounds weird and you may be thinking: "Is this some type of new age mental babble?"
No, it is not.
This case might help illustrate my point.
Take the emotion of feeling 'playful' for instance.
A friend of mine is an expert in that. He once approached a lady at the Mrt station, and she told him: "I don't really feel comfortable chatting with guys who approach me."
Does he go into 'embarrassed' or other negative mode straightaway?
No, he got playful and replied: "You're right. And if there's any guy who does that to you, let me know. I'll teach him a lesson."
She giggled shyly, they chatted, he ended up getting her number. I rest my case.
So, here's a little action step.
Acknowledge that 'embarrassment' (or other anxious emotion) is not the only thing you can feel.
One guy can talk to a woman and is told to stay away and he feels humiliated.
Another guy talks to the same woman and is given the same response by the woman. He feels a bout of delight from her response and laughingly pokes fun at the girl to relax the situation.
I'm sure you've seen men like that.
So, it is a case of similar incident, but choosing to feel differently about your emotions.
Choose one empowering emotion that serves you continuously in your girl-getting adventures.
by Skildo
About the writer:
Skilldo is an 'ex-unhappy' Singaporean guy - who grew from being lonely,
dateless and single... into breaking out of it, and obtained a fulfilling
social life in meeting, dating and entering satisfying relationships with
women.
He is the author of 'The Ultimate Singapore Girl-Getter'. A
locally-focused guide for Singapore men to approach, date and successfully
attract the type of women they want for themselves.
http://www.divaasia.com/article/3748
But men are afraid of the "embarrassment" that rejection brings. Not the rejection itself.
Bear in mind though, embarrassment is simply a feeling - an emotion.
In some ways, it is a self-manufactured emotion. Now, why do I say so?
If a woman were to turn you down, there is no meaning in the gesture alone.
You will need to draw meaning from that incident, and you will feel emotions arising from the meaning that you have created.
For instance, let's say you go talk to a lady at a cafe. Her body language tells you to leave her alone.
You could take your cue from there and her gestures to mean: "I failed and will never try talking to another girl again."
Or you could think of it this way: "I laugh it off and move on. Approaching strangers is amusing, it is just a way to see who is interested to talk you, and who is not, that's all."
Since embarrassment is an emotion one chooses to feel after a rejection, a neat technique to overcome that is to replace embarrassment with another emotion.
By the way, this is a 'trick' I learnt from the world of combat sports where fighters are taught to convert fear into something else.
There is a range of alternative emotions to choose from.
Should a woman give you an undesired response or 'rejection', instead of the usual embarrassment, you can feel:
- Motivated
- Playful
- Thankful
- Smart-assed
- Delighted by her antics
- Confident
Take your pick.
I know this sounds weird and you may be thinking: "Is this some type of new age mental babble?"
No, it is not.
This case might help illustrate my point.
Take the emotion of feeling 'playful' for instance.
A friend of mine is an expert in that. He once approached a lady at the Mrt station, and she told him: "I don't really feel comfortable chatting with guys who approach me."
Does he go into 'embarrassed' or other negative mode straightaway?
No, he got playful and replied: "You're right. And if there's any guy who does that to you, let me know. I'll teach him a lesson."
She giggled shyly, they chatted, he ended up getting her number. I rest my case.
So, here's a little action step.
Acknowledge that 'embarrassment' (or other anxious emotion) is not the only thing you can feel.
One guy can talk to a woman and is told to stay away and he feels humiliated.
Another guy talks to the same woman and is given the same response by the woman. He feels a bout of delight from her response and laughingly pokes fun at the girl to relax the situation.
I'm sure you've seen men like that.
So, it is a case of similar incident, but choosing to feel differently about your emotions.
Choose one empowering emotion that serves you continuously in your girl-getting adventures.
by Skildo
About the writer:
Skilldo is an 'ex-unhappy' Singaporean guy - who grew from being lonely,
dateless and single... into breaking out of it, and obtained a fulfilling
social life in meeting, dating and entering satisfying relationships with
women.
He is the author of 'The Ultimate Singapore Girl-Getter'. A
locally-focused guide for Singapore men to approach, date and successfully
attract the type of women they want for themselves.
http://www.divaasia.com/article/3748
Friday, May 8, 2009
Choosing the Right Partner (Part E)
http://www.harvesttimes.com.sg/Flipbook.aspx?content=Eng (Pg 16, Part E)
Friday, April 17, 2009
Here's how to talk and appeal to guys
Do you think only outgoing, friendly women can impress men in a social setting?
Here's some food for thought: Even the most expressive woman can be a bad conversationalist and turn men off. Even the quietest woman can be a wonderful conversationalist and appear charming to men.
Engaging conversations are like good music. It doesn't overwhelm or bore you. It just makes you feel pleasant all over. You look forward to the next time you listen to that music...and each time you hear it, it's lovely, enjoyable and satisfying to your whole being.
Today's tip is about making your conversations with a man sound like music to his ears.
So, what's considered good music generally?
Think of a song you really enjoy. Does it come with deafening drumbeats or ear-splitting electric guitar solos? I venture to say that your answer is 'no'.
In fact, I dare say that the song you like has these qualities:
1) All instruments and voices are in complete harmony with each other. No out-of-place melody or strange silences in between.
2) Solo musical arrangements, if any, in the song is IN HARMONY with the rest of the song.
3) The song touches something deep inside your soul because you can relate to something in the lyrics or an emotion triggered by a particular instrument.
4) It soothes.
5) It uplifts.
6) More importantly, you can't feel the same way with another song.
7) Only that song calls out to you that way.
8) You look forward to the next time you hear it. You may even have the impulse to look for that CD.
So how do the above related to good conversations?
1) What comes out of your mouth should be in harmony with his. Let me illustrate: He asks you what type of movies you like. You should not only answer him, you should tell him why, then ask him back the same question and make him tell you why. That's harmonising with him. You are IN RHYTHM, not out of tune.
2) Any topic that dominates in the conversation is fine as long as it is in harmony with something previously brought up. Let's go back to the 'movie' topic. Where appropriate, share about one movie that was unforgettable to you. Tell him the storyline and what moved you. Let him know how you felt and reacted.
3) In your exchanges, something in your words or expression just trigger a CONNECTION in him. Emotionally, he can relate to you now.
4) He feels COMFORTABLE with you.
5) He feels ATTRACTED to you.
6) More importantly, he doesn't feel the SAME way with another woman.
7) That emotional connection was triggered by you and ONLY YOU.
8) Now, he LOOKS FORWARD to the next date with you. As a matter of fact, he can't wait to arrange for the next meet-up with you.
by Sylvher
About the contributor:
Sylvher personally went from someone who was emotionally empty, dateless and hopeless about finding the right man in the past into a "highly date-able" and happily-attached woman presently.
As a Dating and Relationship Advisor to women in Singapore, she has coached many women into successfully enjoying their dating lives and entering into fulfilling relationships. She conducts trainings and personal coaching sessions (upon special requests) specially for women.
Here's some food for thought: Even the most expressive woman can be a bad conversationalist and turn men off. Even the quietest woman can be a wonderful conversationalist and appear charming to men.
Engaging conversations are like good music. It doesn't overwhelm or bore you. It just makes you feel pleasant all over. You look forward to the next time you listen to that music...and each time you hear it, it's lovely, enjoyable and satisfying to your whole being.
Today's tip is about making your conversations with a man sound like music to his ears.
So, what's considered good music generally?
Think of a song you really enjoy. Does it come with deafening drumbeats or ear-splitting electric guitar solos? I venture to say that your answer is 'no'.
In fact, I dare say that the song you like has these qualities:
1) All instruments and voices are in complete harmony with each other. No out-of-place melody or strange silences in between.
2) Solo musical arrangements, if any, in the song is IN HARMONY with the rest of the song.
3) The song touches something deep inside your soul because you can relate to something in the lyrics or an emotion triggered by a particular instrument.
4) It soothes.
5) It uplifts.
6) More importantly, you can't feel the same way with another song.
7) Only that song calls out to you that way.
8) You look forward to the next time you hear it. You may even have the impulse to look for that CD.
So how do the above related to good conversations?
1) What comes out of your mouth should be in harmony with his. Let me illustrate: He asks you what type of movies you like. You should not only answer him, you should tell him why, then ask him back the same question and make him tell you why. That's harmonising with him. You are IN RHYTHM, not out of tune.
2) Any topic that dominates in the conversation is fine as long as it is in harmony with something previously brought up. Let's go back to the 'movie' topic. Where appropriate, share about one movie that was unforgettable to you. Tell him the storyline and what moved you. Let him know how you felt and reacted.
3) In your exchanges, something in your words or expression just trigger a CONNECTION in him. Emotionally, he can relate to you now.
4) He feels COMFORTABLE with you.
5) He feels ATTRACTED to you.
6) More importantly, he doesn't feel the SAME way with another woman.
7) That emotional connection was triggered by you and ONLY YOU.
8) Now, he LOOKS FORWARD to the next date with you. As a matter of fact, he can't wait to arrange for the next meet-up with you.
by Sylvher
About the contributor:
Sylvher personally went from someone who was emotionally empty, dateless and hopeless about finding the right man in the past into a "highly date-able" and happily-attached woman presently.
As a Dating and Relationship Advisor to women in Singapore, she has coached many women into successfully enjoying their dating lives and entering into fulfilling relationships. She conducts trainings and personal coaching sessions (upon special requests) specially for women.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Why I choose to remain single
My father became prime minister in 1959, when I was just four years old. Inevitably, most people know me as Lee Kuan Yew’s daughter.
My every move, every word, is scrutinised and sometimes subject to criticism. One friend said I lived in a glass house. After my father’s recent comment on my lack of culinary skills, another observed: “You live in a house without any walls.” Fortunately, I am not easily embarrassed.
As long as my conscience is clear, what other people say of me does not bother me. Indeed, I am open about my life since the more I try to conceal from the public, the wilder the speculation becomes.
My father said of my mother two weeks ago: “My wife was...not a traditional wife. She was educated, a professional woman... We had Ah Mahs, reliable, professional, dependable. (My wife) came back every lunchtime to have lunch with the children.”
Actually, my mother was a traditional wife and mother. She was not traditional only in one respect: She was also a professional woman and, for many years, the family’s main breadwinner.
One of my mother’s proudest possessions is a gold pendant that my father commissioned for her.
He had a calligrapher engrave on the pendant the following characters: “xian qi liang mu” and “nei xian wai de”. The first four characters mean virtuous wife and caring mother.
The second four mean wise in looking after the family, virtuous in behaviour towards the outside world.
My mother lived her life around my father and, while we were young, around her children. I remember my mother protesting gently once about something my father had asked her to do. “It is a partnership, dear,” my father urged.
“But it is not an equal partnership,” my mother replied. The partnership may not have been exactly equal at particular points in time. But over the years, especially after my mother’s health deteriorated after she suffered a stroke, my father was the one who took care of her.
She clearly indicated she preferred my father’s care to that of the doctors’, in itself a revelation of the quality of his care.
He remembers her complicated regime of medications. Because she cannot see on the left side of her visual field, he sits on her left during meals. He prompts her to eat the food on the left side of her plate and picks up whatever food her left hand drops on the table.
I have always admired my father for his dedication to Singapore, his determination to do what is right, his courage in standing up to foreigners who try to tell us how to run our country.
But my father was also the eldest son in a typical Peranakan family. He cannot even crack a soft-boiled egg – such things not being expected of men, especially eldest sons, in Peranakan families.
But when my mother’s health deteriorated, he readily adjusted his lifestyle to accommodate her, took care of her medications and lived his life around her. I knew how much effort it took him to do all this, and I was surprised that he was able to make the effort.
If my parents have such a loving relationship, why then did I decide to remain single? Firstly, my mother set the bar too high for me.
I could not envisage being the kind of wife and mother she had been. Secondly, I am temperamentally similar to my father.
Indeed, he once said to me: “You have all my traits – but to such an exaggerated degree that they become a disadvantage in you.”
When my father made that pendant for my mother, he also commissioned one for me. But the words he chose for me were very different from those he chose for my mother.
On one side of my pendant was engraved “yang jing xu rui”, which means to conserve energy and build up strength. On the other side was engraved “chu lei ba cui”, which means to stand out and excel.
The latter was added just for completion. His main message was in the first phrase, telling me, in effect, not to be so intense about so many things in life.
I knew I could not live my life around a husband; nor would I want a husband to live his life around me. Of course, there are any number of variations in marital relationships between those extremes.
But there is always a need for spouses to change their behaviour or habits to suit each other. I have always been set in my ways and did not fancy changing my behaviour or lifestyle.
I had my first date when I was 21 years old. He was a doctor in the hospital ward I was posted to. We went out to a dinner party. I noted that the other guests were all rich socialites .
I dropped him like a hot potato. In 2005 , while on an African safari with a small group of friends, one of them, Professor C. N. Lee, listed the men who had tried to woo me. There were three besides the first.
Two were converted into friends and another, like the first, was dropped. I am now 54 years old and happily single. In addition to my nuclear family, I have a close circle of friends.
Most of my friends are men. But my reputation is such that their female partners would never consider me a threat. More than 10 years ago, when there was still a slim chance I might have got married, my father told me: “Your mother and I could be selfish and feel happy that you remain single and can look after us in our old age. But you will be lonely.”
I was not convinced. Better one person feeling lonely than two people miserable because they cannot adapt to each other, I figured. I do not regret my choice.
But I want to end with a warning to young men and women: What works for me may not work for others. Many years ago, a young single woman asked me about training in neurology in a top US hospital. I advised her to “grab the opportunity”.
She did and stayed away for eight years. She returned to Singapore in her late 30s and now worries that she may have missed her chance to get married. Fertility in women drops dramatically with age, and older mothers run the risk of having offspring with congenital abnormalities.
Recent studies show also that advanced paternal age is associated with an increased risk of neurodevelopmental disorders in offspring, such as autism and schizophrenia, not to mention dyslexia and a subtle reduction in intelligence.
Men can also suffer from diminished fertility with age although there is wide individual variation.
I would advise young men and women not to delay getting married and having children. I say this not to be politically correct.
I say it in all sincerity because I have enjoyed a happy family life as a daughter and a sister, and I see both my brothers enjoying their own families.
The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute.
This article was first published in The Straits Times.
by Lee Wei Ling
My every move, every word, is scrutinised and sometimes subject to criticism. One friend said I lived in a glass house. After my father’s recent comment on my lack of culinary skills, another observed: “You live in a house without any walls.” Fortunately, I am not easily embarrassed.
As long as my conscience is clear, what other people say of me does not bother me. Indeed, I am open about my life since the more I try to conceal from the public, the wilder the speculation becomes.
My father said of my mother two weeks ago: “My wife was...not a traditional wife. She was educated, a professional woman... We had Ah Mahs, reliable, professional, dependable. (My wife) came back every lunchtime to have lunch with the children.”
Actually, my mother was a traditional wife and mother. She was not traditional only in one respect: She was also a professional woman and, for many years, the family’s main breadwinner.
One of my mother’s proudest possessions is a gold pendant that my father commissioned for her.
He had a calligrapher engrave on the pendant the following characters: “xian qi liang mu” and “nei xian wai de”. The first four characters mean virtuous wife and caring mother.
The second four mean wise in looking after the family, virtuous in behaviour towards the outside world.
My mother lived her life around my father and, while we were young, around her children. I remember my mother protesting gently once about something my father had asked her to do. “It is a partnership, dear,” my father urged.
“But it is not an equal partnership,” my mother replied. The partnership may not have been exactly equal at particular points in time. But over the years, especially after my mother’s health deteriorated after she suffered a stroke, my father was the one who took care of her.
She clearly indicated she preferred my father’s care to that of the doctors’, in itself a revelation of the quality of his care.
He remembers her complicated regime of medications. Because she cannot see on the left side of her visual field, he sits on her left during meals. He prompts her to eat the food on the left side of her plate and picks up whatever food her left hand drops on the table.
I have always admired my father for his dedication to Singapore, his determination to do what is right, his courage in standing up to foreigners who try to tell us how to run our country.
But my father was also the eldest son in a typical Peranakan family. He cannot even crack a soft-boiled egg – such things not being expected of men, especially eldest sons, in Peranakan families.
But when my mother’s health deteriorated, he readily adjusted his lifestyle to accommodate her, took care of her medications and lived his life around her. I knew how much effort it took him to do all this, and I was surprised that he was able to make the effort.
If my parents have such a loving relationship, why then did I decide to remain single? Firstly, my mother set the bar too high for me.
I could not envisage being the kind of wife and mother she had been. Secondly, I am temperamentally similar to my father.
Indeed, he once said to me: “You have all my traits – but to such an exaggerated degree that they become a disadvantage in you.”
When my father made that pendant for my mother, he also commissioned one for me. But the words he chose for me were very different from those he chose for my mother.
On one side of my pendant was engraved “yang jing xu rui”, which means to conserve energy and build up strength. On the other side was engraved “chu lei ba cui”, which means to stand out and excel.
The latter was added just for completion. His main message was in the first phrase, telling me, in effect, not to be so intense about so many things in life.
I knew I could not live my life around a husband; nor would I want a husband to live his life around me. Of course, there are any number of variations in marital relationships between those extremes.
But there is always a need for spouses to change their behaviour or habits to suit each other. I have always been set in my ways and did not fancy changing my behaviour or lifestyle.
I had my first date when I was 21 years old. He was a doctor in the hospital ward I was posted to. We went out to a dinner party. I noted that the other guests were all rich socialites .
I dropped him like a hot potato. In 2005 , while on an African safari with a small group of friends, one of them, Professor C. N. Lee, listed the men who had tried to woo me. There were three besides the first.
Two were converted into friends and another, like the first, was dropped. I am now 54 years old and happily single. In addition to my nuclear family, I have a close circle of friends.
Most of my friends are men. But my reputation is such that their female partners would never consider me a threat. More than 10 years ago, when there was still a slim chance I might have got married, my father told me: “Your mother and I could be selfish and feel happy that you remain single and can look after us in our old age. But you will be lonely.”
I was not convinced. Better one person feeling lonely than two people miserable because they cannot adapt to each other, I figured. I do not regret my choice.
But I want to end with a warning to young men and women: What works for me may not work for others. Many years ago, a young single woman asked me about training in neurology in a top US hospital. I advised her to “grab the opportunity”.
She did and stayed away for eight years. She returned to Singapore in her late 30s and now worries that she may have missed her chance to get married. Fertility in women drops dramatically with age, and older mothers run the risk of having offspring with congenital abnormalities.
Recent studies show also that advanced paternal age is associated with an increased risk of neurodevelopmental disorders in offspring, such as autism and schizophrenia, not to mention dyslexia and a subtle reduction in intelligence.
Men can also suffer from diminished fertility with age although there is wide individual variation.
I would advise young men and women not to delay getting married and having children. I say this not to be politically correct.
I say it in all sincerity because I have enjoyed a happy family life as a daughter and a sister, and I see both my brothers enjoying their own families.
The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute.
This article was first published in The Straits Times.
by Lee Wei Ling
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The Five Basic Needs of a Woman/Man
The first basic need of women is Affection. This involves a variety of factors that changes over time. It changes through the seasons of a woman’s life. Security, comfort and approval.
The second is Conversation. God surely has given us the ability to communicate a tad more than He has given men. Although, we have been given this, there are also measures that we should take note of. Women, in general, have a much greater need for communication than men do. Studies show that women loved to talk about the same things a minimum of three times. They talk at a different level than men do. There are five levels of communication, these are: Cliche, Reporting Facts, Ideas and Opinions, Feelings and Emotions and Complete Trust and Truth. An average man would only go as far as Reporting Facts and that’s about it. Giving their ideas and opinion will be the first level they would take and they do it feeling it is a risk. As for women, to go as far as the fifth level is but very ordinary. The husband should take note that it is his responsibility to create the proper environment for conversation.
Women’s third basic need is Honesty and Openness.
It is interesting to note that most wives perceive their husbands as not telling the whole truth. The Bible emphasizes to always speak the truth. Ephesians 4:25 says to put away lying. It is habit forming to lie. It eventually destroys trust and we can track back to the cycle from the times couples are still dating.
The fourth is Financial Support. For obvious reasons, families grow and needs arise.
Women’s fifth basic need is Family Commitment.
A lot of women are often frustrated with the lack of commitment their husbands seem to have for the family. The problem with the silence of men began with Adam. Read Genesis 3:16
http://www.marriageandbeyond.com/2008/01/22/five-basic-needs-of-women/
The Five Basic Needs of a Man
A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five basic needs:
1. His needs for admiration and respect. She understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anything else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. She is proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 22:23,33)
2. His need for sexual fulfillment. She becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable.
(Proverbs 5:15-29, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Cor 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)
3. His need for home support. She creates a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13,19:13, 21:9,19, 25:24)
4. His need for her attractiveness. She is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that her husband finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband is pleased and proud of her in public, and also in private. (Song of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 6:13, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)
5. His need for a life companion. She develops mutual interests with her husband. She discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they can enjoy together. She becomes her husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Song of Solomon 8:1-2,6)
http://www.inspiration4everyone.com/relationships/romantic_relationships/five_basic_needs_of_a_man.html
The second is Conversation. God surely has given us the ability to communicate a tad more than He has given men. Although, we have been given this, there are also measures that we should take note of. Women, in general, have a much greater need for communication than men do. Studies show that women loved to talk about the same things a minimum of three times. They talk at a different level than men do. There are five levels of communication, these are: Cliche, Reporting Facts, Ideas and Opinions, Feelings and Emotions and Complete Trust and Truth. An average man would only go as far as Reporting Facts and that’s about it. Giving their ideas and opinion will be the first level they would take and they do it feeling it is a risk. As for women, to go as far as the fifth level is but very ordinary. The husband should take note that it is his responsibility to create the proper environment for conversation.
Women’s third basic need is Honesty and Openness.
It is interesting to note that most wives perceive their husbands as not telling the whole truth. The Bible emphasizes to always speak the truth. Ephesians 4:25 says to put away lying. It is habit forming to lie. It eventually destroys trust and we can track back to the cycle from the times couples are still dating.
The fourth is Financial Support. For obvious reasons, families grow and needs arise.
Women’s fifth basic need is Family Commitment.
A lot of women are often frustrated with the lack of commitment their husbands seem to have for the family. The problem with the silence of men began with Adam. Read Genesis 3:16
http://www.marriageandbeyond.com/2008/01/22/five-basic-needs-of-women/
The Five Basic Needs of a Man
A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five basic needs:
1. His needs for admiration and respect. She understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anything else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. She is proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 22:23,33)
2. His need for sexual fulfillment. She becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable.
(Proverbs 5:15-29, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Cor 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)
3. His need for home support. She creates a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13,19:13, 21:9,19, 25:24)
4. His need for her attractiveness. She is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that her husband finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband is pleased and proud of her in public, and also in private. (Song of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 6:13, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)
5. His need for a life companion. She develops mutual interests with her husband. She discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they can enjoy together. She becomes her husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Song of Solomon 8:1-2,6)
http://www.inspiration4everyone.com/relationships/romantic_relationships/five_basic_needs_of_a_man.html
Monday, March 23, 2009
MM Lee: On single S'porean women
My daughter is one of them. What can I do?
When she was in her early 30s, I told her, never mind all this.
My wife and I used to tell her, what you want is a M, R, S - Mrs.
She didn't think it was funny. Now, she is 50-plus.
I'm getting old, I've got a pacemaker... We've got this big house, everything is looked after now, but what happens when we are no longer there?
Who's going to run this place? Who's going to make sure that the maids are doing the right thing and so on and so forth?
That's the price she will have to pay...
She says, I'll look after myself, but she has not been looking after herself all these years.
She went abroad for her studies... and her cooking was just to take the salmon and put it in the microwave and eat it up.
You can do it and then go to the canteen, but when you do that day after day...
It's a choice she has made and a choice that 35 per cent of our women are making.
Who am I to complain, except that society lives with the choices it makes?
This article was first published in The New Paper
by Ng Tze Yong
Monday, February 16, 2009
NEWS -- Reuters on dating ...
When the chips are down, Singapore singles go dating
(14 Feb 2009 12:53)
SINGAPORE, Feb 14 (Reuters Life!) - Singapore's economic downturn may prove to be Cupid's ally as dating agencies in the city state have reported a spike up in the number of singles signing up to find partners, the Straits Times said on Saturday.
Matchmakers, online dating networks and agencies were bracing for a slowdown when the economy took a turn for the worse last year but instead have seen a jump in their numbers, the newspaper said.
"Members have been telling me that they are feeling more anxious and lonely, and the economic recession has made them more worried," Matthew Tan, founder of a dating web site Gomoviedate.com, told the English-language daily.
Some agencies pulled in up to 50 per cent more members while others have attracted almost twice the number of participants in the past four months from the same period last year.
Engineer Terry Neo, 35, who no longer has to put in late nights at work, recently turned to Gomoviedate.com. He found two dates in two months, plenty for one so busy his last date prior to signing up was three months ago.
"I just want to enlarge my social circle and take my mind off job uncertainties for a while," Neo, told the paper.
Singapore is suffering from its worst recession ever and the government expects the economy could shrank as much as 5 percent this year.
"Inherently, we are all looking for companionship -- even more so when things are down," said Violet Lim, the co-founder of Lunch Actually, an agency that sets up lunch date. "You feel the need to connect with someone more acutely."
(Reporting by Saeed Azhar; Editing by Valerie Lee)
((saeed.azhar@thomsonreuters.com; +65 6403 5664; Reuters Messaging: saeed.azhar.reuters.com@reuters.net)
(14 Feb 2009 12:53)
SINGAPORE, Feb 14 (Reuters Life!) - Singapore's economic downturn may prove to be Cupid's ally as dating agencies in the city state have reported a spike up in the number of singles signing up to find partners, the Straits Times said on Saturday.
Matchmakers, online dating networks and agencies were bracing for a slowdown when the economy took a turn for the worse last year but instead have seen a jump in their numbers, the newspaper said.
"Members have been telling me that they are feeling more anxious and lonely, and the economic recession has made them more worried," Matthew Tan, founder of a dating web site Gomoviedate.com, told the English-language daily.
Some agencies pulled in up to 50 per cent more members while others have attracted almost twice the number of participants in the past four months from the same period last year.
Engineer Terry Neo, 35, who no longer has to put in late nights at work, recently turned to Gomoviedate.com. He found two dates in two months, plenty for one so busy his last date prior to signing up was three months ago.
"I just want to enlarge my social circle and take my mind off job uncertainties for a while," Neo, told the paper.
Singapore is suffering from its worst recession ever and the government expects the economy could shrank as much as 5 percent this year.
"Inherently, we are all looking for companionship -- even more so when things are down," said Violet Lim, the co-founder of Lunch Actually, an agency that sets up lunch date. "You feel the need to connect with someone more acutely."
(Reporting by Saeed Azhar; Editing by Valerie Lee)
((saeed.azhar@thomsonreuters.com; +65 6403 5664; Reuters Messaging: saeed.azhar.reuters.com@reuters.net)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Dr Date Says: Get Out.
Tue, Dec 16, 2008The New Paper
Do one social activity a week
by David Tian
SOME people are lucky. They marry their childhood sweetheart at age 22 and never have to worry about dating again.
Most people are not so fortunate. And some of them simply never meet new love interests.
Years go by without a date. They spend New Year's Eve alone or with friends, pizza delivery, or a DVD.
If this is you, realise that you might never meet your ideal partner naturally and that you must take immediate action even if you don't feel like it.
Here is a great habit to have in your life: Carry out one social activity a week.
Just do it
Do this no matter what, even if you don't want to.
The following are some suggestions, but I am sure you can think of more.
Attend a singles' party. I know of several in town, including the Little Black Book Party at Mimolette on Thursdays.
Volunteer at a charitable organisation. Take up a new hobby that involves group activities, such as singing in a choir, forming your own band, or acting in a community production.
If you have the means, book a trip to Club Med, hire a dating coach or join a club.
You don't have to be any good at these activities to start. You just have to stick them in your schedule, show up, be sociable and smile.
Maybe you are worried that you have to go alone. That is no excuse to sit at home. Many people I know had to drag themselves to a social activity alone, and those were the nights they met their current partner.
Sometimes, it is better to go alone because you can manage your own time and go with the social flow. Besides, as an adult, you must learn to accept that you cannot always cling to someone for support.
At the start, these social activities may not always be pleasant or comfortable. But many of the most worthwhile things in life are outside one's comfort zone.
Even if you do not meet your ideal mate, just going out - whether it is to a museum, a sports event, or a party - is good for you. You meet new people, broaden your horizons, and practise your social skills.
Tell your friends that you're going to take up at least one social activity this week. And stick with it!
Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com.
This article was first published in The New Paper on Dec 14, 2008.
Do one social activity a week
by David Tian
SOME people are lucky. They marry their childhood sweetheart at age 22 and never have to worry about dating again.
Most people are not so fortunate. And some of them simply never meet new love interests.
Years go by without a date. They spend New Year's Eve alone or with friends, pizza delivery, or a DVD.
If this is you, realise that you might never meet your ideal partner naturally and that you must take immediate action even if you don't feel like it.
Here is a great habit to have in your life: Carry out one social activity a week.
Just do it
Do this no matter what, even if you don't want to.
The following are some suggestions, but I am sure you can think of more.
Attend a singles' party. I know of several in town, including the Little Black Book Party at Mimolette on Thursdays.
Volunteer at a charitable organisation. Take up a new hobby that involves group activities, such as singing in a choir, forming your own band, or acting in a community production.
If you have the means, book a trip to Club Med, hire a dating coach or join a club.
You don't have to be any good at these activities to start. You just have to stick them in your schedule, show up, be sociable and smile.
Maybe you are worried that you have to go alone. That is no excuse to sit at home. Many people I know had to drag themselves to a social activity alone, and those were the nights they met their current partner.
Sometimes, it is better to go alone because you can manage your own time and go with the social flow. Besides, as an adult, you must learn to accept that you cannot always cling to someone for support.
At the start, these social activities may not always be pleasant or comfortable. But many of the most worthwhile things in life are outside one's comfort zone.
Even if you do not meet your ideal mate, just going out - whether it is to a museum, a sports event, or a party - is good for you. You meet new people, broaden your horizons, and practise your social skills.
Tell your friends that you're going to take up at least one social activity this week. And stick with it!
Learn more about dating expert Dr Date at his website: www.powerofbeingasian.com.
This article was first published in The New Paper on Dec 14, 2008.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Singapore men put love on hold on financial worry
(16 Oct 2008 16:29)
By Koh Gui Qing
SINGAPORE, Oct 16 (Reuters) - "No money no honey" seems to be ringing true for Singapore's bridal agencies, which are seeing slowing business as the financial crisis and a looming recession hit love in the country.
Matchmaking agencies in the Southeast Asian country said the financial meltdown has forced some men to think twice about spending thousands of dollars to get a wife.
"About 10 percent of my customers say 'The economy is slowing down, I have no money,'" said Mark Lin, who runs the Vietnam Brides International Matchmaker in Singapore.
"In the past, girls used to get married in one to two weeks. Now it takes one to two months," he said, in a tiny office along Singapore's main shopping belt where five Vietnamese women chatted under walls covered with pictures of smiling newly weds.
Three to four customers pull out of their marriages each month now, forfeiting deposits paid to agencies, up from one to two clients before, Lin said.
The crisis, which sparked banking turmoil from the United States to Iceland, has traversed beyond financial markets into the real economy as falling home prices and fears of losing jobs force consumers to tighten their belts.
"Business has been very badly hit by the crisis. In the past, I would get around 20 calls a day. Now there are hardly any calls," said Hannah, who works at Truelove International Matchmaker in Singapore. She declined to give her last name.
"Some say the financial pressures from a marriage are just too great," she said, in a country that was booming last year but is expected to see a recession in the third quarter.
Couples in Singapore typically spend thousands of dollars when they tie the knot as newly weds host family and friends at a lavish dinner to mark the occasion.
Matchmaking is not uncommon in the country, which has a population of 4.8 million and a low birth rate, as older men turn to professionals to find a wife.
Some agencies help link up singles, while others -- like Lin's -- help customers find a prospective wife from abroad.
For S$8,000 ($5,450), a man can pick a wife from among the women in Lin's shop, send her to the doctor, and get his marriage registered -- all in 12 hours, but only if the woman fancies him too.
If he does not fancy the women in the shop, he can pay another S$2,000 to fly to Ho Chi Minh City and meet 50-100 women in a hotel, but Lin warns customers this is illegal.
"My customers are usually over 35. That is when they get disappointed with Singapore women, whom they say have too high expectations," he said.
The women can stay in Singapore for only two months on visitor's passes if they are not married to a local, Lin said.
But as business slows to a crawl amid a sagging economy, some women have to go home without a husband.
"I hope to get married," said 19-year-old Nguyen Thi Hue, who returns to Vietnam on Thursday after two months in Singapore. "I want a husband who can dote on me and love me." (Editing by Neil Chatterjee) ((Guiqing.Koh@Reuters.com; Reuters Messaging; guiqing.koh.reuters.com@reuters.net; +65 6403 5665)) ($1=1.468 Singapore Dollar) Keywords: SINGAPORE BRIDES/
By Koh Gui Qing
SINGAPORE, Oct 16 (Reuters) - "No money no honey" seems to be ringing true for Singapore's bridal agencies, which are seeing slowing business as the financial crisis and a looming recession hit love in the country.
Matchmaking agencies in the Southeast Asian country said the financial meltdown has forced some men to think twice about spending thousands of dollars to get a wife.
"About 10 percent of my customers say 'The economy is slowing down, I have no money,'" said Mark Lin, who runs the Vietnam Brides International Matchmaker in Singapore.
"In the past, girls used to get married in one to two weeks. Now it takes one to two months," he said, in a tiny office along Singapore's main shopping belt where five Vietnamese women chatted under walls covered with pictures of smiling newly weds.
Three to four customers pull out of their marriages each month now, forfeiting deposits paid to agencies, up from one to two clients before, Lin said.
The crisis, which sparked banking turmoil from the United States to Iceland, has traversed beyond financial markets into the real economy as falling home prices and fears of losing jobs force consumers to tighten their belts.
"Business has been very badly hit by the crisis. In the past, I would get around 20 calls a day. Now there are hardly any calls," said Hannah, who works at Truelove International Matchmaker in Singapore. She declined to give her last name.
"Some say the financial pressures from a marriage are just too great," she said, in a country that was booming last year but is expected to see a recession in the third quarter.
Couples in Singapore typically spend thousands of dollars when they tie the knot as newly weds host family and friends at a lavish dinner to mark the occasion.
Matchmaking is not uncommon in the country, which has a population of 4.8 million and a low birth rate, as older men turn to professionals to find a wife.
Some agencies help link up singles, while others -- like Lin's -- help customers find a prospective wife from abroad.
For S$8,000 ($5,450), a man can pick a wife from among the women in Lin's shop, send her to the doctor, and get his marriage registered -- all in 12 hours, but only if the woman fancies him too.
If he does not fancy the women in the shop, he can pay another S$2,000 to fly to Ho Chi Minh City and meet 50-100 women in a hotel, but Lin warns customers this is illegal.
"My customers are usually over 35. That is when they get disappointed with Singapore women, whom they say have too high expectations," he said.
The women can stay in Singapore for only two months on visitor's passes if they are not married to a local, Lin said.
But as business slows to a crawl amid a sagging economy, some women have to go home without a husband.
"I hope to get married," said 19-year-old Nguyen Thi Hue, who returns to Vietnam on Thursday after two months in Singapore. "I want a husband who can dote on me and love me." (Editing by Neil Chatterjee) ((Guiqing.Koh@Reuters.com; Reuters Messaging; guiqing.koh.reuters.com@reuters.net; +65 6403 5665)) ($1=1.468 Singapore Dollar) Keywords: SINGAPORE BRIDES/
Can Singles play Cupid?
TNP:
THREE singles are among the first batch of matchmakers who have been found to be just right to help you find your Mr or Ms Right.
They are among seven dating agencies and nine dating practitioners to carry the Social Development Unit (SDU) Trust Mark.
These dating agencies are expected to uphold the standards and integrity of the dating service.
Can matchmakers who are single help others find love successfully?
Associate Professor Paulin Straughan, chairperson of the Accreditation Council for the Dating Industry, said: 'I think, actually, they (single matchmakers) can capitalise on their singlehood status. They can put themselves in the position of their clients.
'What is it like to be single and looking for somebody? So, in that way, perhaps they may have a value-add to bring to the business.'
She added that what is more important is 'the training that the person has gone through, the kind of organisation that they work in, that backs up their work.
'Whether they are married or not really doesn't, I think, play an important, a key role, in the kind of quality services they can bring.'
On 23 Oct, The New Paper had reported that the matchmaking website of Who Works Around You was among the first to win SDU accreditation.
Yesterday, the selected agencies and practitioners received their accreditation from Mrs Yu-Foo Yee Shoon, Minister of State for Community Development, Youth and Sports, at the annual Partner Connection Trade Seminar.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
21 Questions to ask before you say “I Do”
1. Do we connect spiritually?
2. Does our relationship draw us closer to the Lord?
3. Can I respect him/her?
4. Do I enjoy being with him/her?
5. Am I romantically attracted to him/her?
6. Can we communicate deeply?
7. Can I accept his/her life style?
8. Can I accept his/her weaknesses?
9. Do I appreciate his/her strengths?
10. Are we compatible in temperament and personality?
11. Can we adjust to any cultural and family background differences?
12. Do we share the same outlook and values in life?
13. Do we share similar life goals?
14. Do I have his/her family blessing?
15. Do I want him or her to be the father/mother of my children?
16. Do we agree on the areas of ministry both in and out of church?
17. Do I feel the peace and joy from the Lord when I am with this person?
18. Do I have my friends’ blessings and support for my choice?
19. Do we build each other up when we are together?
20. Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
21. Am I ready for the responsibility of establishing a family?
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