So are you their Mr Right?

By Maureen Koh and Crystal Chan, TNP
August 25, 2008

THEY are attractive, well-educated, have good careers and are financially independent. They have gone through several relationships. And yet... Singapore women like them occupy space on the mind of Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, who devoted a substantial portion of last Sunday's National Day Rally speech to their plight and its impact on a society's procreation problem.
Reason: They are into their late 20s and still single.
Why? If you are their Mr Right, this is what they would like you to know.

MISS CANDY SOH, 27, PRESCHOOL TEACHER

I'm single but not desperate because...I've treated all my previous relationships seriously, to the extent that I almost got married in 2006. We had booked a flat, bought a bridal package and paid the deposit for the banquet. But things started to spiral downwards when he left all the wedding preparation to my parents and me. Maybe I had cold feet too because other negative traits started to surface. He was too possessive and he didn't like that I was outgoing. It's one thing if we're talking about bad habits, but hey, that's me, it's my personality and that's what makes me unique. So the obvious ending was to go our separate ways. It's better now than later. Singaporean men are a turn-off because... Some kiss and tell. I feel that's really disgusting and ethically wrong. Or those that gossip and bitch endlessly, like san gu liu po (nosy relatives). Control freaks – like my ex-fiance – also put me off. We're all adults and as long as we don't fool around, I don't feel you should demand that your partner reports your every movement. That's so wrong. Oh, while I enjoy being pampered, I am no damsel in distress. For some strange reason, some men seem to think that male chivalry is a display of security. Please, we're not living in medieval times. My ideal partner is... Someone who is financially stable. I don't need him to possess the 5Cs (car, condo, cash, credit card, and country club membership) but it'll definitely help if we don't have to worry about bills before the next pay-day. Okay, this sounds contradictory from what I've just said, but he must also have time for me and the family. He doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous, just pleasant to the eye. This is for life, you know. Lastly, he does not have to be as gregarious as me, but please don't stop me from being myself. My response to PM Lee's National Day Rally... While I can understand PM's concern, I seriously don't think matchmaking is going to work. Especially not if our parents intervene, that's so "or-bit" (slang for outdated). It's silly to get married for the sake of getting married. But yes, when the right man comes along at the right time, I will certainly go for it. When that happens, I'll definitely have babies. I don't need incentives to spur me on.

MISS CELIA LIM, 29, LEGAL ASSISTANT
I'm single but not desperate because... I just haven't found the right person. Or maybe the time isn't right yet. When I was in university, I had some relationships and I thought I would be married by 25. But that didn't happen. My last relationship ended in 2005. I was initially disappointed because I failed to meet my target, but life's like that. Things don't go your way all the time. It's hard to find someone whom you like and who likes you too. I've gone for blind dates and dated men whom I befriended on Internet Relay Chats. But we either couldn't click or the men were not interested in a long-term relationship. Singaporean men are a turn-off because...
Some men are interested only in physical intimacy and do not treat a girl with respect. There are also those who say outright that they want a one-night-stand. But I'm not the type who sleeps around, so I would tell them off. I've also met guys who are naive and shallow. Perhaps they are too comfortable with what they usually do and they don't dare to try new things. I enjoy intellectual films like A Beautiful Mind and Forrest Gump but some men don't try to understand these movies. Instead, they go for slapstick comedies, which I don't like. Some men also have unrealistic expectations. They want pretty and well-educated girls but they also want them to be submissive. But you can't expect a working, well-educated woman to be submissive.
My ideal partner is... One who is intellectual, knowledgeable and a good conversationalist who allows me to have opinions. Some have complained that I'm too outspoken but I enjoy dialogue and discourse. I need someone who can talk to me and lend me his ear, not someone who is put off by my opinions. I like men who are adventurous and who are not afraid to try new things. I like a man who is self-confident and has a zest for life. He should also be responsible, reliable and knows how to treat people well. My response to PM Lee's National Day Rally... I have no qualms marrying young but I never found the right person. I don't think my parents would try to matchmake me. Besides, my mother's ideal son-in-law is a family man, but I look for someone other than a husband who just brings home an income and looks after the children.

MISS JENNIFER YEO, 32, CORP COMMS MANAGER
I'm single but not desperate because... Women are better educated and they have more choices. People are also getting married later because they want to pursue their careers first. When I was in my 20s, marriage wasn't on my mind and I started looking towards marriage only when I turned 30. My last relationship ended a year ago. Singaporean men are a turn-off because... Many lack social graces. They don't know how to dress and they may say the wrong thing at the wrong time. They seem to lack simple etiquette. I've gone for networking events where some men can be late by 45 minutes to an hour. It just shows they aren't interested in the gathering.
Some also dress inappropriately by wearing slippers. Some men are also stingy. I've met men who think of going Dutch even on the first date. It would be gentlemanly if they offer to pay for the first date, especially if they are the ones who asked the woman out. Dates aren't only about social graces but also about sincerity. Then there are those whose behaviour changes drastically after they're in a stable relationship. During courtship, they would be on their best behaviour, but they may show their true colours after a while. If the change is too drastic, it's too much to accept. My ideal partner is... Someone who is sincere. During courtship, men will be on their best behaviour. But I don't want to marry someone who is temperamental.
I want someone who is nice not only to me but also to his relatives. While faithfulness is also a quality I want, he should not be too possessive. Some men get uptight when you don't answer their calls or if you talk to other men. It's very tiring to keep explaining yourself in these situations. My response to PM Lee's National Day Rally... Ideally, women should marry before they turn 30 so they can start a family. But I understand the Prime Minister is also concerned that more well-educated women are staying single. It could be that despite making efforts to date, these women haven't found the right person.