Social events etiquette for singles

Tue, May 13, 2008AsiaOne
Many articles have been written on dating, but few define the acceptable social graces of attending a singles' event. Lydia, principal life coach of Wow-Her.com.sg, shares some valuable tips based on her observations and feedbacks gathered from singles singaporean.

1. Be friendlyKeep an open mind, relax, smile and have eye contact. A social event is a chance for you to have fun meeting more people of the opposite sex with varied interests and backgrounds.
Not everyone shares the same sense of humour, but do try and appreciate someone's efforts to be witty. Be gracious to participants who are shy and slower to open up to people. Be kind even though that person may not appeal to you, as their friends might and people do talk. Don't be hasty to judge against others because of gender differences in communication. Be aware of proper dining and networking etiquette by eating slowly and enjoying the conversation. The focus should be on the people, not on the food or getting drunk.

2. Show an interest in others Great conversationalists are set apart by their ability to make their companions feel like the only person in the room. Everyone likes to feel special and even very shy people like to talk about themselves, so show genuine interest in what they are saying.
Maintain friendly eye contact. Show sincerity in knowing them as a person.

3. Conversation topics
Heavy topics like marriage, past relationships, income, religion, politics, complaints or distasteful jokes (sexist, racist, religious, etc.) should be avoided as it might scare the person away on the first meeting. Keep the conversation light by talking about hobbies, food, movies, music or upcoming events. Be conscious of "showing off" or dominating the conversation as you may come across as being arrogant and self-centred. Try not to 'win' or get the upper hand in any conversation. You're not participating in a debate.

4. Dress right
Check with the organisers on the dress code for the event. When you turn up appropriately dressed, you show that you care enough to make the effort to impress and that you respect the occasion, your fellow attendees and yourself! Turn up on clean and pressed clothes, and hair that is tidy. Ladies should put on some makeup. Don't overdress or be too revealing, or you may project the wrong image.

5. Establish connections
Find common interests and hobbies with your new found friends as a way for them to remember you when you contact them again. For example, you meet Lady A at an event and both of you love scuba-diving. So when you contact her again, you can mention that you are the guy who enjoys scuba-diving as much as she does. Give them something to remember you by. We meet about 20 to 40 people per event. Not everyone can recall all the persons they meet.

6. Hogging
You may meet someone that captured your heart so much that you want to know him or her better. To prevent competition, you spend the rest of the event talking to her only. But your conversation partner may not share the same sentiments. Be gracious enough to let him or her interact with others too.

7. Punctuality
Being on time creates the right impression. If you happen to be late due to circumstances beyond your control (e.g. bad traffic conditions), do apologise to the organiser and the participants for being the cause of the delay.

8. Safety
At the end of the social event, guys may offer to send the ladies home. Some ladies may not be comfortable to let him know where they live. In this case, respect her privacy. Offer to walk her to the bus-stop or taxi stand instead. She will be grateful that you respect her decision and care for her safety too.

9. Follow Up
After the event, you may want to contact people whom you wish to get to know better and explore possibilities of friendship or even a relationship. The social event is just a platform to meet singles. Subsequent friendships can be only forged by staying in contact. Asking a person to meet up for a second time just means that you would like to get to know the person better. It does not necessarily mean a steady relationship has been agreed to. A firm relationship takes time to develop. So relax and have fun meeting different people. You may feel obliged to give your email address to another participant as everyone else is exchanging contacts. So if someone wishes to contact you but they are not exactly your type. So how can you handle the matter? Decline the next date gracefully. Just say politely "No thank you, I am not interested." And no matter how incompatible you are, it is still basic courtesy to reply to emails or sms.